A Shift in Mindset Helped Neely Spence Gracey Run Faster and Happier After Having Two Kids

Photo: Dane Cronin

For most of her life, Neely Spence Gracey has pushed her body to its limits in pursuit of high level running goals. While competing for Shippensburg University, the 33-year-old earned eight NCAA Division II titles. After graduating in 2012, she turned professional and represented Team USA at the 2011 Pan American Games and 2013 IAAF World Cross-Country Championships before earning two top 10 finishes in the World Marathon Majors series.

But on June 30, Gracey accomplished a running goal that went far beyond personal achievement. While pushing her youngest son, Rome, 2, in a stroller, the elite marathoner broke the Guinness World Record in the mile for women. On a track in Englewood, Colorado, the four-time Olympic Trials qualifier ran 5:24.17, 33 seconds faster than the previous record set by Sally Onn of Great Britain last year. Beyond the time, the mother of two hoped the record would empower all moms and caregivers.

"It's not so much about how fast I run, it's showing other moms that their goals are important, and it's possible to chase them down and find time, even if it means taking your kids with you," Gracey told &Mother. She also used the race as an opportunity to give back. All of the proceeds of the color pack used on the Guava Family stroller she pushed will be donated to &Mother.

The stroller record is the latest accomplishment for Gracey, who has redefined success on her own terms as an elite runner, author, and coach in the last few years. In between giving birth to her sons, Athens, 4, and Rome, 2, Gracey battled various injuries, but through trial and error, honed a new mindset that allowed her to have a resurgence in the sport and beyond. In December 2022, she ran a 4-minute personal best at the California International Marathon (CIM) in Sacramento, where she finished in 2:30:29 and achieved the standard to compete at the 2024 U.S. Olympic Marathon Trials. Last year, she also co-authored a book with journalist Cindy Kuzma titled, Breakthrough Women's Running: Dream Big and Train Smart.

In a conversation with &Mother, Gracey shared the strategies and mental tools that help her work toward major goals while thriving in her motherhood.

Be flexible

When Gracey gave birth to Athens almost five years ago, the Boulder, Colorado, runner initially thought she shouldn't change the training that worked for her prior to becoming a mother. However, with the demands of caring for a newborn and adjusting to the baby's sleep and feed schedule, she soon realized change was inevitable, but better all around.

For Gracey, that means prioritizing recovery over hard training efforts. After going through a tough learning process with her first kid--her body "rebelled" when she tried to do workouts--Gracey operated with a different mindset during her second pregnancy and through the postpartum period.

She listened to her body more and made a slower return to training. She also reset her expectations in order to be kinder to herself. Every day, she set out to run at least one mile. If her body didn't feel up to a run, she'd walk. In the end, taking a flexible approach allowed her to complete an easy run or walk up to the day she gave birth to Rome.

"My body was just happy," she said. "And I think it was because I was able to listen to it, not stress it and give it what it needed, so that it felt very comfortable and I continued that whole mindset."

Photo: Dane Cronin

Don't force it

Throughout her first pregnancy and postpartum period, Gracey was sponsored by Adidas until her contract with the company ended in 2020. Now running unsponsored, Gracey continues to run for the love of the sport, and it shows in her results.

When Rome was 11 months old, Gracey completed her first race postpartum at the Bolder Boulder 10K, where she finished second. After only completing five or six workouts beforehand, the performance far surpassed her expectations. "It was coming back a lot faster because I wasn't rushing or forcing it," she said.

In the fall of 2022, she continued the same approach heading into CIM. Unlike past marathon buildups, in which she averaged 90-100 miles with two workouts and a long run each week, Gracey completed one workout and one long run coupled with however many miles she could fit in throughout the week. She ended up averaging 80 miles for five weeks straight, which was enough for a massive personal best.

"[CIM] gave me the confidence to know that it's not about what I could do before kids," she said. "I can run faster than I ever have before while training less and doing less intensity, and I think it came down to my body being happy, healthy and not overworked."

It's a big shift compared to her previous mindset while competing as a professional runner, when she often needed to be held back in order to keep overtraining at bay. These days, if something unexpected comes up and she needs to reschedule the hard session, she doesn't overthink it. "It's not failing if I don't go all in," she said.

She also celebrates every success. For example, when she completed her first 10-mile run postpartum, she opened a bottle of champagne afterwards.

"Embrace where you're at with each step of the journey because it's your own, and it's no one else's," she said.

Include the kids

While pursuing her running goals, Gracey brings Athens and Rome along for the journey. Rome often rides in the running stroller and Athens now bikes alongside them. Using running as an example, Gracey hopes her kids learn the importance of setting goals and working hard to achieve them.

With her kids as the top priority, running is also no longer an all-consuming part of her life. It's just one of many things that fulfills her, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

"I can still coach 60 athletes, write a book, and be a really present mom with my kids," she said. "Once I started adding all those things, it gave a lot more meaning to my life."

Embrace the reset

Letting go of comparisons to her past athletic accomplishments, taking the process one day at a time, and focusing on consistent effort helped Gracey find joy in the comeback to the sport she loves.

Looking back, Gracey said the experience of becoming a mom gave her a much-needed reset. While difficult at times, having time off from competitive racing between the pregnancies, pandemic, and injury setbacks ultimately helped Gracey heal her body and her mind. Now she looks back on the period as an experience that saved her running career.

"Some may think my late 20s and early 30s would've been my best years, but I tend to disagree," she said. "I think there's a lot of good years yet to come."